Schmitts and giggles – Arkansas Times

I was not raised around household profanity, but my time in the Marine Corps qualified me for a Ph.D. in cussing.  

No one teaches it better than a Marine Corps drill instructor in boot camp. But I am a prude about swearing.  I liked it better when news channels would say “BS” rather than “bull s—”. And I made it through 20 years as an elected official without one time using the F-word in a speech.  

If you missed U.S. Sen. Eric Schmitt’s disastrous committee performance this past week, find it and watch.  Bottom-line: if you want to accuse a U.S. Attorney of perjury, know the difference between the Atlanta Hawks and the Iowa Hawkeyes.  It is tempting to label Schmitt’s foolishness as “bull s—”, but that would be an insult to livestock.  BS does not mean stupid.  BS can be quite sophisticated, which Schmitt’s moment in the sun was not.  What is needed is a political term that means “outrageously stupid.”  

How about “Schmitt-Schmitt” instead of “bull s—?”  As in, he gave us five minutes of some real Schmitt-Schmitt.  

Here’s another event from the Senate to help illustrate the difference.

This past week the Ratepayer Protection Act stalled in the Senate.  It will not be missed, and don’t be fooled by the bogus title.  The language of the bill seems to have the goal of large-load electricity customers, such as data centers, paying for the full cost of the infrastructure required to generate their electricity. But the language does nothing more than say to states and state utility regulators: “Please consider such a standard.”  

Here is language from the bill with my caps added: within one year state regulators must “commence CONSIDERATION”, within two years they “shall complete the CONSIDERATION,” and if regulators have already “conducted a proceeding to CONSIDER implementation” of such a standard, they are done even if a standard was never adopted. 

If my toddler reaches for a hot pan on the stove, I don’t say, “Please consider not touching that pan.”

If my four year old is outside playing in the snow, I don’t say, “Please consider putting on shoes and socks.”

If my 16-year-old heads out alone for his first drive with his new driver’s license, I don’t say, “Please consider driving safely.”

I’ve never been a football coach, but I’m pretty sure no coach ever looked at his team and said, “On this next play, please consider blocking.”

The language of the bill doesn’t do any legal harm because it does nothing more than say, please consider. It is an election year attempt to fool us into thinking Ratepayer Protection has been achieved.  It’s football season: we deserve better O-line protection than is in this bill.  But this is not Schmitt-Schmitt, just election year BS.