Inconsequential News Quiz: The What the Hell Is Going on with Republicans Edition

1. Some badass Little Rock Central High School students made headlines by blowing whistles and confronting right-wing cranks protesting outside the school. What brought the protestors to campus?

A. Demanding that Central erect a 40-foot statue of slain racist Charlie Kirk
B. Opposing free breakfasts and lunches for students unless the school also sends free meals to homeschoolers
C. Encouraging teenagers to get married, have children and avoid becoming gay
D. Blaming new LRCHS principal April Rike for the ongoing closures in the Strait of Hormuz

2. The brain geniuses at the Arkansas Department of Parks, Heritage and Tourism have proposed doing what with the 200-year-old Hinderliter Grog Shop, the oldest standing structure in Little Rock?

A. Turning it into a bespoke mountain bike customization and repair shop under the day-to-day management of first gentleman Bryan Sanders
B. Razing it to create a new parking lot for lobbyists, with nonstop shuttle service to and from the Capitol
C. Retrofitting it to be a “light-touch cask-beverage-and-sealed-snack tavern” with bathrooms located in a separate, nearby structure
D. Upgrading it with multiple televisions showing misleading AI slop about the Founding Fathers, provided by PragerU

3. Based on the newest report about the Arkansas LEARNS Act from the University of Arkansas’ Department of Education Reform, which of the following statements about the LEARNS program is correct?

A. LEARNS is working great for all students and is not siphoning hundreds of millions of dollars from public schools so well-off white people can get a discount on private school tuition.
B. There are no racial or geographical disparities between the families using vouchers and those who do not.
C. While white kids make up 58% of public school students in Arkansas, they account for 76% of voucher recipients.
D. LEARNS provides equal opportunities for Arkansas students, regardless of where they live. 

4. Rep. Bruce Westerman was the only member of Arkansas’ congressional delegation to call on President Trump to end what?

A. Members of his family and inner circle profiting from insider information and Trump’s blatant market manipulation
B. Delays in releasing the Epstein files, including the thousands of documents that mention Trump by name|
C. Plans to livestream the firing-squad execution of Fort Hood shooter Nidal Hasan
D. The pointless Iran War

5. When it comes to debating his opponents in the U.S. Senate race, which of the following best describes Sen. Tom Cotton’s approach?

A. Standing tall like an Army Ranger, taking his lumps where appropriate and explaining his positions and votes clearly and honestly
B. Using the debates as an opportunity to distance himself from the myriad Trump policies he’s supported over the years
C. Hiding like a rank coward, refusing to debate ever and hoping dark money can scare people into voting for him despite his utter lack of a spine
D. Bravely showing up and sticking to his guns on why the Iran War that he has wanted for so long is actually a good thing for Americans

6. Gov. Sarah Sanders ruffled Republican feathers in September with an ad featuring “Brad,” the welfare queen. What was the primary complaint from MAGA types?

A. Sanders falsely took credit for a Medicaid work requirement that was actually part of Trump’s One Big, Beautiful Bill.
B. “Brad” couldn’t possibly afford to live on his own and buy all those snacks and video games on the paltry amount Medicaid provides.
C. “Brad” was portrayed by a white guy instead of a Black woman.
D. Sanders continues to be unfunny and woefully uncharismatic, even in ads where she’s trying to be both.

Answers: 1. C 2. C 3. C 4. C 5. C 6. C